Working on Myself

I am going through a rough period, although I don’t want to get into the painful details of what’s been going on. However, I will happily discuss what I’ve been doing to work on myself during this time because honestly, I’m proud of myself.

I have never been confident in my life when it comes to cooking. I have had success baking here and there, but cooking? Nope. Growing up, my responsibilities when it came to dinner was setting the table or cleaning the dishes. I never helped out when it came to cooking. I was recently talking with a dear friend of mine, who told me she was always in the kitchen helping her mom, grandma and other extended family members. She was shocked when she heard that I wasn’t, although I imagine hearing this about me made her go, “Ohhhh. That’s why she’s struggled with cooking.”

When I lived with my ex, he was such a picky eater that I ended up never really cooking for the two of us. Any time I tried to cook, he had more criticism than praise, and I just gave up. It was demoralizing whenever I tried for him. I’d just cook for me whenever I did.

My recent ex, he always wanted to just go out and eat, and he generously paid for 95% when we went out. Don’t get me wrong – I won’t complain that a significant other of mine took me out to nice dinners on a regular basis when we were together. It just meant that again, I wasn’t really cooking.

When I did actually cook for myself in the past, I would do the same recipes over and over again. If I didn’t mess the recipe up and it worked in the past, then it would earn its place in my rotation. Nothing wrong with that, but it meant I wasn’t being really creative or confident in the kitchen.

Well, that’s going to change now. I want to get confident in the kitchen once and for all. This old dog is going to learn new tricks. This past week and a half, I have been trying more new recipes than I probably have in years, and oh my god, it’s like I’m opening my eyes for the first time. I seriously did not realize how bad my lack of confidence in the kitchen was until I started trying new recipes and techniques.

I like this version of myself. I feel proud, and I have even had a couple of days where my stomach hasn’t tried to murder me. While I regret that I didn’t try this earlier, all that matters is that I’m here now. This truly feels like significant self improvement, and I’m happy about this. I put myself on a good path here, and it’s not dependent on someone’s else mood or tastes. This is just about me.

About damn time.

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