Feelings and stuff

A couple of weeks ago, my fiancé and I spent an obscene amount of money to try and save his daughter’s cat. We drained our wedding fund to pay for the emergency vet care that she needed in an attempt to save her, plus additional savings.

Sadly, she did not make it. Several days after we brought her home, her health went downhill quick, and we had to let her go to end her suffering.

I do not, and never will, regret spending the money we did to try and save our cat. Not a single part of me regrets that because this cat was worth it. She was family, and you do whatever you can to help your family members, especially the helpless furry ones.

While it does sting that I don’t have the wedding fund anymore AND I didn’t get to save the cat, I will always know that I did everything I could to give her a couple of years. It definitely stings that I’m out that money and there’s no big-nosed tabby cat roaming my house. If we had been able to save her, then the financial hit would sting less.

Whenever I think about that sting, though, I remind myself that we had to try and save her. We did, and that helps with the emotions associated with losing a beloved pet. I know that if the vet told me there was something they could have done to potentially give Boomer another year or two, I would have drained my life savings to keep her with me.

I miss this kitty. (Yes, she was 15 years old when she died but she was always a kitty to me.) She would make “tha-thump, tha-thump” noises when she came down the stairs to see what the fiancé and I were doing. She absolutely loved hopping on the coffee table to clean every single nook and cranny on her body. Even though the slorrrping sounds she made were disgusting, I miss that and wish I could hear it again.

The kitty definitely established herself as Top Pet when she moved here, much to Mal’s lament. Mal had about a six-month period between Boomer passing and the fiancé and the kitty moving into the home. Mal is a nervous dog, so I was initially nervous myself that there would be cat and dog fights. Nervous dogs like Mal could be unpredictable if they feel threatened, so those first weeks were nerve-wracking.

What ended up happening was Mal going “nope I’m outta here” whenever the kitty got close to her. Pretty sure Mal never made eye-contact with the cat or if she did, the eye-contact was minimal. I did catch the two of them hanging out together a couple of times, but as soon as they realized I was watching them, Mal did what she does so well – “noping” the hell out of the room.

One day, we will figure out what to do for the wedding fund. It’s not like he and I are going to have a wedding wedding or a wedding with a capital W. This was more for a reception for family and friends after he and elope somewhere and sometime (details I would never discuss openly or online, btw).

She was a good kitty, and she will be so missed.

Change is Happening

I moved into my yellow brick house in 2010, and since day 1, I have hated the yellow and green main bathroom. In recent years, I have seen some serious water damage coming from my bathroom in my kitchen ceiling. In one corner of my kitchen, you can see obvious water damage to the drop ceiling tile that looked like it came from the toilet.

After many years and aggressively saving what I could, my bathroom is finally being remodeled. Squeeeeeee. I hired a contractor that my friend, Amy, had hired and recommended. I was so nervous about hiring any contractor, especially after two of my friends had a contractor horror story, resulting in losing $17 grand. So when a friend recommended a contractor and his price was reasonable, I jumped on it.

I’ve been dreaming about and talking for years about renovating my bathroom, and now it’s currently happening. My nerves are shot to hell due to happy excitement and anxious excitement. This is going to cost so much money BUT I’m going to have a waterproof bathroom in an aesthetic that I actually like. I will be able to take a shower without worrying about the ceiling in my kitchen collapsing.

This new bathroom also means that friends can visit me and actually stay with me! Last time my best friend was in town, I ended up paying for her to stay in a nearby hotel room instead of staying with me. I didn’t want to subject her to my bathroom, plus I didn’t have a functioning spare room for her either. Thanks to my wonderful boyfriend, he fixed the broken bed in the spare room and now there’s a place for someone else to sleep here!

I wonder what my stress and anxiety levels will feel like when the renovation is 100 percent done. Ever since my stage 4 diagnosis, I have been worried about what is going to happen when I can no longer work. If I had to sell my house and move somewhere, I knew my awful bathroom and kitchen would screw me over. Now, I’ll just have my kitchen as the main project to do next.

When all of this is done, will I finally be able to relax?

Probably not. Haha.