Gray Hair… I Kinda Care

So once again, I have made the decision to stop dying my hair, even though my vanity is begging me to reconsider. I have several reasons why I decided to stop. First one being, my scalp stopped tolerating the dye. After each dye job, my scalp would feel itchy for days. My hair would also feel greasy.  I would just feel uncomfortable for days, weeks, like my scalp was being taken over by vindictive, invisible bugs.

Until I recently reconnected with favorite hair dresser in the world, I was going to a salon in the mall every 6 or 7 weeks and paying $120 for a cut and color. For a brief time after I reconnected with my hair dresser, I was paying half of that every 6 or 7 weeks. The cost added up, but before the bad side effects happened, the cost used to be worth it to me.

Now, it’s not worth it. Nothing is worth me itching my scalp and feeling physically uncomfortable for large stretches of time. If I could, I would still dye my hair for another solid 10 or so years. It breaks my heart (okay, pride) because I love how I look with dark hair, and felt super cute and confident.

Seeing these white/grey hairs slowly take over my scalp has been a mind fuck, and making me feel strangely emotional. On one hand, I understand that being able to grow old is not a luxury afforded to all. I have known so many amazing young women who have died from metastatic breast cancer in the previous year. They would have given anything to be able to grow older.

But I’m not working with this abundance of self esteem to be barreling toward 40 (a little over 2 years from now, ahhh) and seeing an “old” lady looking back at me in the mirror. I see my hair and I feel old, defeated. I don’t know how to reconcile with what’s going on the top of my head with how I really feel.

Why is getting older so hard to accept? I used to think I was going to be dead by the time I was 40, just like my mother. I was certain that breast cancer was going to kill me, too. Now, I’m only a couple of years away from the my mother was when she died, and frankly, y’all, I’m starting to look more like her. In my mind, I’m lookin’ like a woman who’s been dead for 30 years.

Also, why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that people are going to stop thinking I’m not in my 20s or heck, even in my early 30s? I simultaneously don’t believe people when they say I look 10 years younger than my actual age, but  I love it. Not going to lie. I know that’s going to stop when more of my white hair comes in.

I know it’s okay to accept that my pride and vanity are taking a beating. I’m not a bad person for seeing my white hair coming in and wish that this wasn’t happening for another 10 or 20 years. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good and taking pride in my appearance.

I think this will take time to accept, and I will just adapt with however this turns out. I know what I look like with red hair, blonde hair, black hair, and dark brown hair. Now, I am just going to find out what I look like with a combination of white hair and dishwater blonde hair.

Well, at least my glasses and wardrobe is going to be fly AF.

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3 thoughts on “Gray Hair… I Kinda Care

  1. Itchiness would be the pits! I know you prefer dark hair but how about blonde highlights now? It can be cheaper that the whole dye your head thing, and the chemicals are different. And highlights doesn’t mean color for all of your hair and there isn’t that prominent line when it grows out. But of course I don’t know your facial coloring if blonde highlights even look good on you.

    You could get some fun glasses if you wear them. And you could do the teeth bleaching trays to whiten your teeth. If you can afford some botox and a little filler you can go those routes to help make up for the hair color.

    I had to stop getting eyelash extensions because my eyes would itch terribly until I plucked all the lashes out. I can’t get gel polish on my fingernails very often because it weakens my nails so and pedicures damage the heck out of my toenails so that I can only get them done no more than 4 times a year and thats pushing it!

    It’s a lot of work to look good and try to look youthful! With your grey hair you can buy an updated wardrobe with colors that look good with grey. You can use the $ that you did our hair with to do other things for your appearance.

    Hang out with some other grey haired friends, make some if you don’t have any. Im sure there’s a Facebook page for the grey haired! And then also hang out with people who are young at heart to keep you fun and young in spirit.

    I know an acquaintance who let herself go grey at 44 — stopped dyeing her hai completely. She uses it to her advantage with her profession letting her patients think she is more experienced than she is. She got some groovy glasses and while she looks much older than 49 she seems happy and approachable.

    There is no way all those darker colored dyes can truly be harmless.

    Im not sure what I will do when I go grey, but the thought of dyeing my hair every 4-6 weeks sounds extremely unappealing itching aside! And even more I would really hate that growth line for sure! I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there … I’m thinking I would go the light highlights route.

    There are plans and then there is life to derail those plans! Some of the best cures for the things that upset us are pleasant continual distraction.

    You can always get a grey kitty and observe how much confidence these felines have — they definitely couldn’t care less! ❤

    It’s a bummer getting old, but beats the alternative!

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