Yo, yo, Get Up Swinging readers. I am back, kind of. A lot has happened since I last updated and if you’re interested, keep on reading.
The primary reason why I went on an unintended blog hiatus is the fact I started a new job. In mid-October of last year, I resigned from the job that I had been at for more than 9 years. It was a long time coming, and I could not be more excited. I made a lot of wonderful friends at my old company, and I wouldn’t be at my new job if it was not for this nine-year stint.
Boy, though, I could not be more excited and relieved to be moving on. I had plateaued at that company years ago, and there was nowhere for me to go. I had been getting negative reviews for three years in a row, and I wasn’t given any type of raise. I felt like I was repeatedly running into a wall hard, getting up dazed and then running back into the wall again.
When the opportunity for this new job for more money, opportunities and the chance at a real career path, I jumped at it. Did I ever. I was so unhappy and miserable at my old job, and my life had to change. There was drama when I left and I got threatened with a non-compete. That’s why I remained pretty much silent for the last nine months because I was afraid of being accused of doing anything untoward. Now, my non compete period is over, and I feel free to share about my life, especially my professional life, without threat of litigation.
I am happy at this new job. Sometimes the hours make me want to curl up into a fetal position and whisper to myself “it’ll be okay.” I am at a job that pays so much better, offers career training and opportunities and has expanded my skill set in ways I never could before. I’m grateful. I’m being challenged and at the same time, appreciated.
I honestly feel like a completely different person since I switched jobs. I don’t wake up feeling a suffocating sense of dread.
The other big change in my life occurred a couple of months ago. My boyfriend of 7.5 years and I broke up, and he moved out. Sigh… Things that cannot be undone were done and now we’re done.
Our relationship was not right for two years, probably three. I knew something was not right for at least two years, and I should have ended it back when the signs were there. The signs were neon, blinking and in all caps.
RELATIONSHIP IS OVER.
I was not ready then. I was scared. I was scared to live on my own and without him. I also wanted it to work out, and I tried so hard to make it work. He was with me during cancer. We had gone on so many adventures together. I went skydiving with him. My longest relationship before him was 10 months.
When things become bad for a long period of time and you find yourself in relationship purgatory, then both people need to want to leave it to ever go anywhere. He never wanted to leave the purgatory. We were stuck. We were not being completely honest with each other, him definitely more so than me. We avoided the truth staring at us in the face.
It’s done now. I could hate him, curse his name and tear up all his pictures. Frankly, I used up all that jilted ex girlfriend energy in those two years since I knew he was not on the level. Now that it’s over, there’s a sense of relief and sadness. I can and will forgive hi, because how else could I ever move on?
The sick irony of it all is now that we have laid all the ugly truths on the table, he and I are closer than we ever were in the last couple of years of our relationship. I don’t know if this honesty is the result of a sense of freedom now that the commitment ties have been cut. Like, why not just say it because it’s not like we can break up even more so than we are? Ah who knows, maybe I’m being cynical and this openness is the result of two people who learned the value of each other too late.
We are going to try to be co-dog owners unless it gets too fraught with emotions of the negative variety. I’m already dating, which some might say is too quick since my relationship has only been over for a month or so. I don’t think so. I had been mourning the loss of this relationship for a long time, thinking about dating a lot toward the end. Now I’m here. It’s not that I’m not sad or am throwing parties that I’m single. It’s that I’m a social person who loves being around people.
I’m not going to let the end of this relationship make me a cynic, I won’t. I still believe in love and part of me will always love the Ex. He and I weren’t right for each other. I don’t see us ever getting back together but I can’t see a life without him in some manner. Maybe that’s early break up thoughts dancing in my head right now but that’s the mentality I have at the moment.
There you have it. I’m at a new job that pays me so much better and has an actual career path. I’m newly single too. Lots and lots of change here in Get Up Swinging land. Hopefully more positive changes will keep happening now that I’m no longer in relationship purgatory or at a job where I was going nowhere.
I’m going somewhere for once. It’s pretty awesome. I’m looking forward to who I meet along the way and who might want to go for the ride with me.