cancer

Dear Mom

I am sorry that it took me so long to cut off your siblings from my life. I could have saved myself so much heart ache and stress if I had given up on them a decade or so ago. In the 8th grade, I wrote a letter to my future self as part of a Language Arts assignment. That teacher mailed us those letters when we graduated high school, and in that letter, 14 year old Lara wrote, “This is the year you realized that your mom’s family doesn’t care about you.”

Thirty+ years later, I finally had enough. I blocked all of them and have no intention of ever talking to them again.

Your sister, although i do believe she means well, has never gotten to know me. In my limited interaction with her, she always asks if she could have the bedroom set that YOU wanted me to have. She’s asked me about that more than she has ever asked about my illness or basically anything about me. All that matters to your sister is that I have something she wants, and she refuses to let it go. If this gets to your sister, I want her to know that the bedroom furniture will go to my future stepdaughter, or I’m going to smash up the wood and throw it in with me when I get cremated.

When I was 18 or 19, I remember being on the phone with her and she asked me if I still went to church. When I said no, she told me that you’d be so disappointed in me. Maybe you would have been, but who’s to know? However, I think you would have been more disappointed in your siblings for ignoring your children as they grew up without their mom. When she said that to me, I was so angry at her but I kept my cool and just said, “I think my mom would just want me to be a good person, whether or not I go to church.”

Your brothers are not good people. They are the ones who taught me the N-word when we were in Panama City Beach when I was 7. In my early 20s, I got into it with your younger brother when I was down there for a wedding. He and your cousin J were talking about black people in a disgusting way (“White is right”), and I got so heated that I was told to walk away from your brother and cousin.

Your other brother took items from your parents house instead of evenly dividing the belongings between the rest of the family. All the heirlooms and family keepsakes just had to be given to his daughter. Screw the rest of the grandkids, right?

My final straw was your younger brother lying to me about an interaction we had in Texas around 2016. He tried to goad me to talk about Trump, and I repeatedly said I wouldn’t talk politics with him. He was almost gleeful in his attempts to rile me up. Well, I reached out to him to ask if he is happy as a clam now that his boy has been back in power. I brought up that 2016 interaction and he denied that it ever happened. (Your one cousin, P, confirmed to me that she remembered that happening too.)

Then he went on the defensive (“You’re calling me a liar”) and I came close to responding by cursing him out right back. Instead, I just blocked him. Then I blocked your other siblings and a weight lifted off my shoulders.

I’m almost 46. Instead of carrying this hurt and resentment with me about them, I’m just going to cut them out of my life. I didn’t want to because they are a connection to YOU, but I realized that they actually aren’t. They don’t know who I am, and I never got that connection to you from them. I wanted to hear stories about you, and find a way to get to know who you were to them. I wanted another piece of you to put away in my heart.

They are the same people who hemmed and hawed about coming up to see you while you were dying of breast cancer. They would do the exact same thing to me, so why do I need them in my life?

I’m done. I don’t care if I never talk to them again for the rest of my life, even on my deathbed. I want my loved ones to be around me, and they aren’t part of that club. Because of who they are and what kind of people they are, I have a pretty solid will, so they cannot be the vultures they are and claim ownership to anything I have.

They will get absolutely nothing from me.

(P.S.: “S” if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I don’t know you but apparently you have tried to keep track of me. I have no ill will toward you because I honestly don’t know you. Your husband can go fuck off, though.)

2026 New Year’s Resolution & No Buy List

Every year, I make a bunch of New Year’s Resolution, and by year-end, I’ve maybe accomplished one or two of those items. Lather, rinse, and repeat. This year is no different, friends. I am going to make bunch of New Year’s Resolution and do my absolute best to make it happen.

  1. Read More Quality Books: In 2025, my initial reading goal was 40 books. I surpassed that goal in summer 2025 and upped my reading goal to 70, which I did reach. I ended up reading 73 books in 2025. My goal for 2026, though, is quality, not quantity. I want to read more classics and non-fiction in 2026.
  2. Do Not Buy New Books: My To-Be Read pile is insane, friends. I purchase books like I truly believe I am going to live forever, even though I am a woman living with stage 4 cancer. I have amassed a decent collection for my TBR pile, and I need to start working on the books I already have. This doesn’t mean I won’t borrow books via Libby or use gift cards to buy books, if applicable.
  3. Do Not Buy Any New Clothes: In 2025, I bought a lot of new clothes and shoes for someone who works from home and doesn’t like to leave the house, if necessary. There is absolute no need for me to buy anymore clothes this year. I literally have no room in my house for anymore clothes.
  4. Keep Boycotting Target and Starbucks: Target has been dead to me since they eliminated DEI initiatives and donated to the Trump inauguration.
  5. Meal Prep More: I have a bunch of Souper Cubes that I have not been using to their full potential. That is going to change in 2026.
  6. Lock in on training for Hyner: If I don’t ramp up my training, then I am going to fail miserably at Hyner in April. This has to be my main focus from here on until race day.
  7. Travel More: I want to take more weekend trips to cities in the U.S. that I haven’t been yet. This year I will be visiting Boston for the first time, and there are many more cities that I have to visit. Let’s fix that! My goal is for more travel domestically and internationally (fingers crossed).
  8. Less Social Media: Social media in the United States has been bought and conquered by Trump stooges who want to use these apps for surveillance. Count me out.

I like New Year’s Resolutions, even if I don’t achieve my goals, because goals are just good to have. Goals give you hope and motivation, something to look forward to. My Stage 4 cancer goal is to just stay out of the hospital. I hope to god that I don’t have to go the ER, have any type of surgery, or be admitted in 2026. Every year that I manage to stay out of the hospital, the better.

Five Year Mark

Last week, on October 2, I hit the 5-year mark since my former oncologist told me that my cancer had now come back as stage 4. Five years since my life forever changed because that day was a before and an after event. There was before stage 4 and then there was just stage 4.

When that day arrived, it was a mix of emotions for me. First, I am obviously grateful to still be here and have not experienced any progression yet. I also felt a bit of grief and sadness. I kept thinking about the friends who I have lost who never got to make it to the 5-year mark because why me and not them? I know they wouldn’t want me to think that way but it’s hard not to when you’ve seen so many amazing women have their lives cut short by this disease.

I miss who I used to be. I mourn that life, specifically the body that I used to have. I ran marathons and half marathons. I went to the gym and lifted. I was as strong and I saw my runner friends often, every weekend on our group runs.

At the same time, I am also proud of the person who I used to be. I think deep down, I always knew that cancer wouldn’t be done with me, so I ran. I ran and ran and ran. I gave this disease something to chase, and I have a wall full of medals from races to show that I did something pretty fucking awesome in between stage 1 and stage 4. Cancer can’t take that from me.

I ended up throwing a party for family and friends this past Sunday. I threw the party together kind of at the last moment, but it worked. When I found out my uncle, who requires the use of a walker or scooter, I reached out to my friends to find a handicapped accessible place. My friend, who works at a brewery downtown, suggested Helltown Brewery, and they said yes! Helltown Brewery in the Strip is fantastic, and I strongly recommend the place.

Prior to the party, I was a big bundle of nerves. Back in high school, I tried to throw a party for my work friends and nobody came. My stepmom had bought all these snacks and drinks for my party that never happened, and it freaking crushed me. I sobbed hard for like a solid hour, and afterwards, developed a phobia about throwing parties. (When I came back to Kansas City recently for a visit, the same work friends that broke my heart in high school all came to see me. We aren’t teenagers anymore, of course.)

They came! My fears were unfounded. Not everybody could make it, which I completely understood. I gave people a month and a half warning, and that’s short notice for most people to make any travel plans, etc.

My dad’s family travelled up from Indiana and Kentucky to attend, and my mom’s cousin flew in from Texas to surprise me. It meant so much that they came up to celebrate my 5-year mark. I adore my dad’s side of the family.

My friend Christine found a “Not Dead Yet” headband for me, which made me squeal.

It was a great time, and my friends knew that if they left early, my introverted ass would not mind at all. I was hoping that the party would be fully wrapped up by hour three, haha.

Given my complicated relationship with my dad, step-family and most of my mom’s side of the family, I often feel like I don’t matter or even belong. My five-year party showed that I actually do matter and that my extended family do care. They came and were all happy that I am still here and kicking! I am loved and I do matter.

Take that, cancer.

Every Day

Every day, I am in some kind of pain or discomfort. I’m not writing this to solicit any pity or anything like that. I am trying to be honest about what it’s like to live with metastatic breast cancer.

Ever since my diagnosis almost 5 years ago, my stomach has been trying to murder me. I have had Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) my entire life, but once I learned about my stage 4 diagnosis, my IBS became my number one hater. If I had a nickel for every time I said, “My stomach hurts,” then I could probably pay off the rest of my mortgage.

The other day at the gym. I went to just kneel down on a pad to do an exercise and my knee went, “Haha, I’m going to fuck up your entire day.” It has felt like pressure building underneath my kneecap since yesterday morning. The pain has lessened today but it’s still there when I walk down the stairs.

It’s a real mindfuck when you realize, “Hey, I can’t remember the last time I went a whole day and I felt fine.” I’m either exhausted or my stomach is killing me or my joints are reminding me that I’m a 45 year old woman with stage 4 cancer. However, I am glad that I was always grateful for my “good health” between my stage 1 diagnosis and my stage 4 diagnosis. I used that time to run, run, and then run some more.

The transition from being a 40 year old long-distance runner to a 45 year old stage 4 cancer patient has not been easy. I mourn every day for the Lara I used to be. What does help me, though, is accepting the fact that version of me is gone. I still work full-time, so I get to still straddle between the worlds of everyone else and being a cancer patient.

I write all this as a testament to what it’s been like for me to have stage 4 cancer. It’s a condition that I cannot forgot for one day, although I wish I could.

Huffman sometimes rules

Yesterday, I completed something that I honestly did not think I would be able to do. I finished the Two Face 10K race event in North Park. I haven’t run consistently since 2021, which is when I switched over to just hiking.

However, my five-year mark is coming up on October 2, and I felt like I had something to prove to myself. Honestly, I wanted to really tell stage four breast cancer to fuck all the way off. I still do. The five year mark is a really big deal to me. I know so many of my stage 4 breast cancer patients who never got to see their five year mark.

I didn’t really tell anyone I was doing this until it was closer to the race for a couple of reasons. If I didn’t manage to complete this, I didn’t want everyone to know that I tried this and failed. I also didn’t want anyone to leave comments for me saying I’m inspirational or brave, something like that. Because I’m not inspirational or brave.

I’m pigheaded.

My stomach had been really plaguing me the weeks leading to the race. The day before the race, I had gone to urgent care due to extreme GI problems. I truly did not think I would be able to do this race. What really got me to the finish line (literally) was a good friend of mine signed up for the race, so we would do it together. Plus, the weather was actually nice and cool the other day. I had been training for months in just high heat and humidity, so this weather felt magical.

I don’t think I could have done this without my friend there along the way. When we started the second half of the race, the trail portion, I wiped out and fell. Luckily, it wasn’t a bad fall and just caused some superficial scrapes on the side of my leg. Nothing bad, thankfully.

The 10K trail race actually was almost 7.5 miles, which I was not aware of prior to race day. Haha. I fought like absolutely hell all those 7 miles. There were curse words, and more importantly, it was quality spent with my good friend as we battled together.

When her and I crossed the finish line, I had a group of friends and my fiancee cheering so loudly for me. It was a pretty amazing moment for me. My friends, who had already finished the race, waited for me! I did find out later that at one point, they were wondering if I had maybe gotten eaten by a bear. Honestly, that’s fair. We were supposed to keep a 20 minute pace but ended up being a 23 minute pace.

I did it, though. I finished both races, even though I really didn’t think I could do it.

My five-year mark is now less than two months away, and I got to send a giant fuck you to metastatic breast cancer. Cancer has taken so fucking much from me, but yesterday, I was able to take a swing back at cancer.

I Trust Dr. Pepper More than Dr. Oz

Dr. Mehmet Oz, charlatan extraordinaire, was sworn in as Trump’s administrator for the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) on April 18, 2025. As a stage 4 cancer patient who may need the services of Medicare and/or Medicaid sooner than later, I am both scared and angry that this quack has been appointed to one of the most extremely positions in the country. I am 100 percent certain that Dr. Oz is going to do irreparable harm to those who rely on Medicaid and Medicare.

First of all, what does CMS do? According to the Federal Register,

The Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) was created to administer oversight of the Medicare Program and the federal portion of the Medicaid Program. It also ensures that program beneficiaries are aware of the services for which they are eligible and that those services are accessible and of high quality and develops health and safety standards for providers of health care services authorized by Medicare and Medicaid legislation. CMS is also responsible for administering the State Children’s Health Insurance Program (SCHIP), the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA), and several other health-related programs.

It is not an exaggeration to say that this is a very important role in the country, and now it’s being led by … Dr. Freaking Oz. These are the enrollment numbers for Medicaid and CHIP as of November 2024:

During his confirmation hearing, Dr. Oz would not say yes or no if he opposed cuts to Medicaid, according to a March 14, 2025 article in The New Republic.

If you are reading this and wondering why do I care or thinking I just hate him because he is a Trump ally, then let me provide you my reasoning why.

A June 17, 20214 NBC News article stated that Dr. Oz “got a harsh scolding from several senators on Tuesday at a hearing about bogus diet product ads. According to the article, Dr. Oz “admitted he uses ‘flowery’ language on his shows and said he realizes that the moment he recommends a product, the scammers use his words to sell spurious products.” In April 2012, Dr. Oz had touted a green coffee bean extract as a “miracle fat burning pill that works for everyone.”

According to an April 15, 2017 NPR article entitled “Physicians Urge Columbia To Fire Dr. Oz For Promoting ‘Quack Treatments,'” 10 well-regarded physicians in the country called for Columbia to fire Dr. Oz for “repeatedly show[ing] disdain for science and for evidence-based medicine” and “promot[ing] quack treatments for financial gain.”

During Covid, Dr. Oz’s quackery became evident to everyone. HuffPost reported in an April 16, 2020 article that schools should re-open because “only” 2 to 3% more people could die. Dr. Oz told Sean Hannity:

That’s right – a doctor thought it would be okay to sacrifice a percentage of the population. That’s when I realized that Dr. Oz isn’t just a quack, he is a eugenicist.

After he was sworn in, Dr. Oz gave a press conference about his plan and vision for healthcare in the country, and it was textbook eugenics.

“It is your patriotic duty — I’ll say it again — the patriotic duty of all Americans to take care of themselves. It’s important for serving in the military but also important because healthy people don’t consume healthcare resources. The best way to reduce drug spending is to use less drugs, because you don’t need them because you’re healthy.”

It is my “patriotic duty” to take care of myself and when that happens, I won’t need as many drugs because I’m now “healthy.” Holy shit, my stage 4 cancer is cured!

Sarcasm aside, this line of thinking from Dr. Oz is absolutely insidious. By equating good health with “patriotism” and military readiness, us sickies would then be… what? Unpatriotic? If you classify a group of people as being unpatriotic or imply that they are a drain to society, then you can easily justify inflicting pain and suffering on them.

Sick and disabled people are always targets for fascist authoritarian regimes. According to the Holocaust Encyclopedia, “Many Germans did not want to be reminded of individuals who did not measure up to their concept of a ‘master race’ and were considered ‘unfit’ or ‘handicapped.’ People with physical and mental disabilities were viewed as ‘useless’ to society, a threat to Aryan genetic purity, and, ultimately, ‘unworthy of life.'”

Dr. Oz’s statement equates good health with being good Americans and a “good” American is one that can join the military and be ready to die for the country. Both Dr. Oz and Secretary Brainworms keep flapping their mouths about unhealthy Americans but notice how they don’t mention expanding Medicaid to ensure more citizens have access to doctors and perhaps get treated for their ailments or ensuring everyone in the country has access to healthy fruits and vegetables.

They want to take away medications, programs and services, all while blaming us sickies for our own illness. The Trump administration does not care if sick and disabled people die, only that the richest among us stay obscenely rich as possible.

Being a Cancer Patient in the age of Trump

Ever since Trump was inaugurated, every day, I wake up and wonder, “What fresh hell has the Trump administration unleashed on us today?” Every day, I get an answer to that question, and my stress level just keeps going up and up.

When RFK Jr. was actually confirmed as Secretary of Health and Human Services, I really thought to myself, “We are so fucked. Us sick and disabled people are so fucked.” The government really elected the stupidest mother fucker to make health-based decisions that impacts everyone in this country. For an administration that allegedly is all about “merit-based” hiring, the Trump administration really elevated a brain-wormed, anti-scientist charlatan.

The fact that an anti-vaccine, conspiracy theorist is in charge of the FDA and CDC makes me even more resolute that rich white men will always fall upwards. Would he ever be in this position if his last name was not Kennedy?

According to an April 12, 2025 article in The Hill, measles cases have risen to 700 and the outbreak has spread to 25 states. ProPublica reported on April 11, 2025 that pertussis has increased 1500% nationwide in the country. The article further stated:

The Trump administration has eliminated 20,000 jobs at agencies within HHS, which includes the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the nation’s public health agency. And late last month, the administration also cut $11 billion from state and local public health agencies on the front lines of protecting Americans from outbreaks; the administration said the money was no longer necessary after the end of the pandemic.

Gee, what could potentially go wrong when you cut jobs and money from the nation’s public health agency when diseases like this are on the rise?

In his first interview since becoming HHS, Secretary Brainworms claimed in a CBS interview that he was not aware of the $11 billion in proposed cuts to local and state programs that address infectious disease, mental health, etc., his response was, “No I’m not familiar with those cuts. We’d have to go … the cuts were mainly DEI cuts, which the president ordered.”

The reporter then provided Secretary Brainworms with an example of being eliminated, which was a $750K University of Michigan grant focused on adolescent diabetes, and RFK Jr said that he would look into it.

This administration is a fucking joke, and we are being led by a bunch of Trump kiss asses and sycophants. I get to wake up every day, as an immunosuppressed woman with Stage 4, wondering what disease and potential pandemic is just waiting around the corner. The thing that really makes me angry as all hell is the fact that you know that this administration does not give a single flying fuck about sick and disabled people.

Did you know that last month, the Trump administration withdrew 11 pieces of guidance related to the ADA that helped stores, hotels and other businesses understand their obligation to the law? According to the Yahoo article, one of the pieces of guidance withdrawn was a “document provided a ‘maintenance list’ for retail stores for ensuring aisles, entrances, parking spaces, elevators and restrooms were accessible for disabled customers.”

On April 1, 2025, NPR reported how that Trump administration also dismantled the agency that is responsible for Meals on Wheels and other services for the disabled and elderly. Trump and his rich billionaires do not care if the elderly or disabled die due to their budget cuts.

This is just a fraction of the horror that Secretary Brainworms and Trump are inflicting on the U.S. They do not want to lead or help people. They want to make sure the rich get richer, and us peons go away as quietly as possible. The fact that family members of mine, even my own dad, voted for this train wreck blows my mind. Is making America great again mean bringing back preventable diseases?

Maybe Secretary Brainworms will make my cancer treatment illegal and force me to inject ivermectin? Who knows when we now live in Idiocracy.

Evil Health Trifecta

Buckle up for a story time on how I ended up at the Emergency Room and then two nights in the hospital. I’m okay now or at least, I’m on my way to being okay.

Last Friday evening, my stomach started to do the thing it does where it makes me want to die just a little by making everything, um, explosive. When I woke up last Saturday, I had a splitting headache that didn’t feel like my typical sinus headache. I took Ibuprofen to get rid of the headache, and it took roughly three or four hours for the headache to go away.

Between my stomach problems and headache, the day was not looking good for me.

However, my boyfriend came over to my house in the afternoon to hang out. I was hoping my day could get back on track after such a rough start. We were watching TV, and I was laying on him, as I normally do. I started feeling extremely cold, which is unusual for me. I am never cold. When I began to shiver, I knew something was wrong with me.

I took my temp, and it read 100.4. I took ibuprofen in an effort to break the fever. I really did not want to go to the ER. I re-took my temp before going to bed and it was 99.3. Before going to sleep, I felt confident that I could avoid going to the ER.

When I woke up at 3:30 am on Sunday because of my explosive stomach, I realized that I was wrong. I took my temp and it read 101.2. I called the on-call oncologist, who quickly told me, “Yes, go straight to the ER.”

I asked my neighbor to take me to a community hospital ER because I wanted to generally stay away from people. Honestly, I thought I would just be receiving fluids in the ER and sent home with antibiotics for my fever, but that’s not what happened.

They asked me if I had any cough, and I responded, “Yeah. Just a slight dry cough.” The doctor ordered a chest CT with contrast. Shortly thereafter, the doctor came back to my room to tell me that I had blood clots in both lungs, and they would be admitting me. On top of the blood clots, they diagnosed me with colitis.

It took me several moments to process what they told me. A blood clot? Blood clots? I had no idea. The doctor asked me if I had been experiencing any shortness of breath, and I replied, “Yeah, I noticed shortness of breath when I went up and down stairs, but I just thought it was because I’m fat now.” Other than that, I was not experiencing any other noticeable symptoms.

Since I was being admitted, the community hospital had to get an ambulance to transfer me from their facility to the downtown main hospital. The one tech really lectured the hell out of me for coming to the community hospital when I should have gone to main hospital location. I told him, “I thought I was just coming in for fluids. I had no idea this was happening.” Grr.

I spent three days, two nights in the hospital. I was hooked up to a heperin trip and had my left arm poked and prodded so much that I felt like a human pin cushion. The nurses had to routinely take blood from me to monitor the heperin, and they had to access my veins through my hand and wrist. I am pretty sure you could torture me for information by obtaining blood through my wrist.

After I got home, I used two days to rest up from my three-day stint in the hospital pokey. I am still processing what happened to me. Breast cancer, blood clots, colitis… oh my. Talk about an evil trifecta designed to make me miserable and tired. They sent me home with a starter back of Eliquis, and I’m adjusting to my life on blood thinners.

Once again, I am adjusting to a new normal, and my new normal now involves me being tired quite a bit. Good times, good times.

Love Being Unremarkable

This month has been a busy one with scans and doctor’s appointments, and I am happy to report that I remain stable and unremarkable (*insert joke about my mental health here).

Earlier this month, I had my yearly brain MRI, and I was nervous about this one, to be honest. I have been experiencing more headaches than normal and some ringing in my ears. Happy to report that the brain MRI showed that my brain tumor has not grown in the past year, and I still do not have any brain lesions. My headaches are more than likely due to the up and down weather and that always beats up my sinuses. I experienced one headache that felt like an ice pick going to my right temple, and it took me out for the entire day.

This week, I had my most recent round of scans – a nuclear bone scan and a CT with contrast. I am happy to report that my CT scan shows that I’m stable and unremarkable. The nuclear bone scan also shows that my sternal met remains stable, and I do not have any new mets in my skeleton. The scan did show degenerative changes in my spine and both my knees (!!!!). Great, I’m officially old, ha.

When I saw that my knees are showing degenerative changes, it made me relieved that I gave up running in late 2021. I do miss running, but I actually miss all the time I got to spend with my running friends. I should really make an effort to volunteer for races this year so I can still be part of the community that I love so much. I don’t have to run to still be part of the running community.

The news I got this month feels like such a relief. My birthday is next week, and now I feel like I can celebrate another year on this planet. Every birthday feels like a satisfying fuck you to breast cancer. For so long, I thought I was going to be dead from breast cancer at 40 just like my mom. Here I am, about to turn 43, and my cancer is stable and I’m going to the gym on a regular basis. I have an amazing boyfriend who makes me so loved and happy. The best way I can ever “beat” stage 4 cancer is to keep living my best life.

“You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.”

Stuart Scott, 2014

Good-bye 2022

As 2022 comes to an end, I want to reflect back on what was a pretty transformative year for me. To my surprise and probably everyone else who knows me, I am ending this year in such a great mind space.

The biggest highlight for 2022 – my cancer has been stable, and I remain unremarkable. That is absolutely my number one highlight. If I can go a whole year without any surgeries and/or progression, then that’s a big win in my book. I have seen the struggles that my friends who also have stage 4 have gone through in 2022, so I remain grateful and appreciative that I have been okay this year.

I probably do need to get a cane to help me walk in certain situations because concrete surfaces make my back hurt and ache. It took me awhile to come to terms with that fact, but I got over it. Who cares if I need a mobility aid to walk long distances on concrete? My other option is to just stay home, and I don’t care to do that. I want to keep moving, and I should not let my weird pride get in the way.

I had a handful of big wins at work this year. I really enjoy figuring things out and working with data. I participated in an initiative this year that focused on data analytics. Because of the work done in 2022, I am confident that an audit I have kicking off on Jan 3 will go as smoothly as possible. I have big plans for 2023 because your gal here is gunning for a promotion. I know when I go back to work next week, my life is going to get super hectic so I’m just enjoying this week off (aka calm before the storm).

The transformative part of my year happened during the later half of the year. I really thought my ex dumping me was going to destroy me. We had been together for 6 years, and I really didn’t have any issues with him like I did the ex before him. He didn’t gaslight me or cheat on me with prostitutes and Sugar Baby websites like the Other Guy did. The breakup did negatively impact me and that period afterwards was absolutely brutal. I rebounded though, and I came through it stronger.

You know how and why I came through it stronger? Easy – supportive friends and years of therapy, baby. (Plus, I blocked him on all social media because once I’m done, I am 100 percent done.) I credit therapy with helping me quickly realize I needed to channel my feelings into something productive, and I did. I went back to the gym a month ago. More importantly, I’ve been cooking more in these last four months than I probably have in the last four years. I fucking love it, and I am having so much fun learning new techniques. These wins in the kitchen have done so much for my self-esteem and self-worth.

I am not hopeless. I am not a lost cause!

2022 has ended on such a high note. I’ve met a new man, and he makes me so ridiculously happy. I’ve been grinning so much in the last month or so that sometimes my face hurts from smiling so much. I am looking forward to what adventures await him and I in the new year.

Every year, my new year’s resolution is the same – Read More Books. This year, I’m going to add a new one – have more fun with Boyfriend (name redacted) in 2023. I’ll be successful.