I haven’t updated my blog since I had to put down my beloved Boomer dog. It’s not that nothing of significance has happened since then. Just the opposite. So much has happened this year so far that I’ve been overwhelmed for a large majority of this time.

In February, my beloved niece Emma died. On the one-month anniversary of Boomer’s passing, my eldest brother called me, which he never does. My first thought when I saw that he was calling was, “Oh God, who died?” I am so glad that I didn’t ask that when I answered the phone because someone actually did.

Before my brother’s phone call, I honestly thought to myself that nothing would be more painful than losing my soul dog. I was wrong. Boomer lived a long life, especially for a large breed dog. It was her time. Emma’s death was 100 times more painful (if not more) because her life was only just beginning. Boomer’s death broke my heart, but Emma’s death just ripped it out and stomped on it.

I have often thought to myself that if I am this sad and heartbroken, I could not even imagine the pain that my brother and sister-in-law must feel. I have never been a parent, so it would be insulting to them and Emma’s memory to even act like I could understand their pain. Instead, I just try to be a good sister and aunt to Emma’s siblings. I could write more about my feelings after both their deaths, but I’m afraid I’ll start crying and won’t be able to stop.

While dealing with the grief and depression of losing Emma and my dog, I finally had my kitchen remodeled, which is stressful in a much different way. I had been dreaming of remodeling the god awful kitchen for more than a decade. Knowing I had to pay a crap-ton of money just stressed me out in a different way. I don’t regret getting the kitchen renovation done because it absolutely needed to be done. The stressful part came a month later when the sewer backed up in my basement, and I had to drain my savings account to get the basement floor jackhammered and a new floor drain installed.

Losing my emergency savings sent me into a bit of a spiral. Am I ever going to be able to take some bucket list trips? I have been taking on some photography jobs this year to dig myself out of this financial hole, which is helping a lot. My other dog, Mal, needs to have dental surgery soon so I’ve been saving aggressively for that too. It’s been one thing after the freaking other.

This year hasn’t been all doom and gloom though. My boyfriend, T, moved in with me during the summer. Having him here has been so wonderful and has taken a lot of stress away from me. He and I are settling in and becoming the boring old couple, living a quiet boring life. My cancer is enough drama for me. He and I have dinner and watch Wheel of Fortune together. I love it.

I also re-joined a running-walking group in an effort to get back into shape. It’s been nice to regroup with old friends. I am obviously never going to be the runner I was before my stage 4 diagnosis, but it’s good for me to still keep moving forward, no matter the pace.